My college algebra professor once told me that I don`t trust people easily. That time, I found his statement so hard to believe. I was convinced that I trust people far too easily, but then went on admitting that once that trust is broken, I find it very hard to trust again.
Hearts can get really fragile, don`t they? I felt like mine was made of thin glass—easily picked up but also easily broken. Vulnerability came easy for me when I was younger, until the thin glass started to break little by little.
Best friends who replaced me. Confidants who betrayed me. Leaders who rejected me. They were like thumbprints in the heart that wouldn`t go away. They haunt me whenever I am about to open my heart to somebody, threatening I would get hurt the same way it happened before.
Terrified, I`ve learned to shut the door in my heart. I still make friends
but I don`t let them in to the farthest, deepest rooms of my heart.
I`ve learned to keep people at “reasonable” distance. I was so afraid
to trust, afraid of being hurt, left alone and rejected. I really didn`t want to hand over my heart again to anyone anymore.
Until I learned that in all these, in times like these… I should forgive. Until I let forgiveness flow in my heart, I would never be able to freely love again. I would never learn to trust anybody. I would never open up myself to be loved and be held close in the someone`s heart.
The pain and hurt of the past…they would go only if I would pardon those who have wronged me and resolve that they do not owe me anything anymore.
No matter how deep the pain… I can forgive. I will forgive. We can forgive. We must forgive.
The God who always held us close is Someone whom we have hurt so much the same way like those who have hurt and wounded us deeply. And yet, He chose to open His heart to us—still—no matter how utterly wrong and stubborn we`ve been. He has always and will always leave Himself vulnerable to love and love again…even after we fail and fail.
How can I not extend that same love and forgiveness to others?
I, even I, am he who blots out
your transgressions, for my own sake,
and remembers your sins no more.
“…And I will be kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.” –Max Lucado