It’s 2PM and tried to go upstairs for the first time in more than a month. Everyone in the house is sleeping and I don’t know what came to my mind but I just wanted to go upstairs. LOL I was so excited and I knew I could do it. So alone, I took my crutches and made my way up. It took me 4 steps to realize I can’t do it. I wasn’t able to go any further. Haha And I realized fighting spirit alone isn’t enough. You need strong legs! I thought if I’d be brave and if I’d believe I can, I can do it. But I was wrong. And so I realized one valuable lesson today. :D

It’s so natural for me to keep pushing even when things are hard. 

I don’t like giving up.

I remember my goal back in college was to “always try to beat myself”. to push beyond what I know I could do. I always thought it’s all in the mind. But God is teaching me otherwise. And today, I am reminded of it once again. Going up the stairs, I have to decide in my heart to give up. Because I need real strength. I need strong feet that would carry my weight. I may be fighting and determined in my heart and mind, but if my foot is injured, it just wouldn’t work. 

Sometimes, it’s in giving up that we become stronger. When we admit our weakness, that’s when real strength comes. Because then, it is God who becomes strong in us. It is when His power shines though. It’s in rest and surrender that are battles are won and our fears are gone.

 

And so tonight, I know the Lord is teaching me the important lesson of “giving up”. I will give up trying to go upstairs until my cast is removed (esp. when everyone is asleep. My Mom will get angry if she finds out. Yay). It’s only when I accept my weakness and rest  the way He wants me to that my injuries would be healed so one day, my bones will be stronger and I’ll be able to walk again.

Let’s keep trusting!

 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you,

for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,

so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

 

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It’s been 7 weeks since I got a fracture on my foot!^^ I still have to wait for another 5 weeks for my follow-up check-up with my orthopedic doctor to see how my bone is healing, but things have been pretty nice and sweet. I feel so blessed that I’ve been showered with love and care. My family and friends are so awesome! They love pushing my wheelchair for me, and helping me move around. I feel sooo very loved!

But the past week, I was starting to feel a little bored and a little annoyed with the cast I’m wearing. I really hope to feel better soon. :D Many times I wonder what’s God purpose~why I had been injured and why I had to stop and take a break for a while.

A week after I got injured, my friend Raymond came to visit me and we were talking about these “little afflictions” we have. He’s been sick with allergies and I, with this fracture of mine. We both agreed that maybe God is teaching us how to empathize with those who are sick, with people who are going through the same things we go through. And truthfully, the experience is hard.  

I’m smiling and happy all the time but I know that is the work of the Lord in my heart. ^^‘Cause in reality, I’m a bit having a hard time. It’s hard to have a fracture in the foot and not be able to walk normally. To not be able to do simple things you need to do-like going to the washroom or getting a plate from the kitchen—without assistance. It’s hard when you want to watch your sisters perform and the venue is not wheelchair-friendly so you have to hop on one foot and you fall on the floor. And it helps to hear words of encouragement and love from people around you, even from friends who come over to visit.

And so this post is inspired by the little pain I have in my heart. LOL Kidding! Today, I’m gonna share with you things we should never tell a sick friend or family member. ^^ I hope this will remind us to care, be sensitive, empathize and put ourselves in other people’s situation if ever we encounter a sick person in the future.

 

Hey friends! It’s Monday! How did your weekend go? I really had so much fun yesterday, even though I’m still wearing a cast (which I will still be wearing until November).

 
In my previous post, I’ve mentioned that last month, I slipped on our laundry floor and ended up getting a fracture on my foot. I know! It’s funny and I should have been careful! LOL But sometimes accidents do happen even if you try your best to avoid it. Mine happened so fast (like 2 seconds) and I didn’t imagine I’d break a bone!  But God has a reason for everything, right?

What makes me laugh today is that I never realized that this funny thing would change my life for a couple of months. I really didn’t prepare for this. I mean, I never thought I’d ever break a bone in my entire life. I was even smiling and making jokes in the doctor’s office while I was being treated, until he said “You’re gonna wear this cast for a month.” I’m like “Okay! 1 month…” And then I stopped because his words finally sank in.

“One month…?”

5 long weeks I wouldn’t be able to to walk and do the things I normally do. How about church? Work? Volunteer stints? How will I even eat out? My world suddenly stopped for a while~that moment, sitting at doctor’s office.

And now more than a month has passed, and I have to extend wearing my cast for another 7 weeks. It’s hard, but I’m grateful. ‘Cause Jesus is teaching me so many things. It is in my brokenness (and literally, in this moment that I have a broken bone! LOL) that He shines the brightest.

195. Friends who constantly visits me and brings me treats the past month.
196. My super patient parents and my sisters (esp. Ava) who nurses me, helping me move around!
197. My super nice and funny doctor!
198. My super awesome youth group who’s been so supportive.
199. For lessons you teach me, Lord!
200. Time to rest!
201. For all the love showered by friends, family and churchmates.

Photo Credits: Click photo

I was reading Bonnie’s blog today and I realized many things. The truth  is, all these months I’ve been away, all these months the blog has been empty and quiet, I was thinking of you, my friends~and it felt so painful in the heart every time I think that I am not able to write and come back for a long time.

Not because I don’t have time, because I do.
But because I was afraid to.

I was really afraid to.

There were many times I tried. Sitting in my computer for hours. Starting drafts and never being able to finish. Because I knew I had to tell you the truth before I can ever write again. I’ve always kept this in my heart. The brokeness and all the pain I went through last year, afraid that it we be so raw and I’d be so vulnerable because the pain was so deep. The wounds in my heart were so deep that I had to go into hiding, even from the blog where I can fully share my heart and deepest thoughts.

Betrayed and Forgotten

There were many times I cried and stayed up all night. Many times I felt I shouldn’t have loved and gave my heart to people. For a while, I was asking myself “Why?” Why did I ever loved, cared, invested, dreamed, hoped for… I was so heartbroken and hurt; so betrayed and let down. And I wanted to, but didn’t know how to make my heart vulnerable again.

I was so afraid to tell the truth and let people see my brokeness.

Everyday I felt imprisoned with fear whenever I think about writing and how I’m running away. I didn’t realize that as I run from the blog, I am also running from myself~from being truthful with my hurt and accepting that I’ve been wounded, betrayed and let down.

Let Me See 

I’ve always carried myself so strong. Like no matter how troubled the times were, I tried to be cool and tell myself that it doesn’t get to me. I’ve always tried to encourage myself. Cheer up my spirit. But these time, it just wouldn’t work. I have to come out as fearful and broken as I am…into God’s heart, and let Him see. Let Him heal. Let Him love me.

And after being honest with Him, I knew I also have to be honest with you, sharing my story…

Not An Easy Road

It had not been an easy road. I’ve never felt so betrayed in my lifetime. I’ve experienced so many things years before but that season was the most heart-wrenching.


But I have to tell you. I really have to tell you that this time had also been the most joyful, fruitful and exciting season of all. Not because I’m cheering myself up. I’m not just trying to see the good things. But it was really that: the most joyful, fruitful and exciting season of all. Because God gave beautiful things after the heavy storm. Undeserved. Unexpected. Twice than I’ve imagined. No, I didn’t  even imagined it! He just blessed! So much that I’ve ever expected!

And so I’m writing to you today, after much tears…telling a testimony of His grace. That because of Jesus I am able to forgive and let go and take my turn in giving chances and forgiveness. And to live my life better than ever because He taught me to forgive and because He is restoring things, not as they were before, but into an even more beautiful masterpiece. And it feels really, really good in the heart!

And it felt as good as ever to be like this, real and honest with you. You guys had been so kind and gracious to me, encouraging me with your messages here and even on Facebook and Twitter while I’d been away. I was touched and felt so loved! Thank you so much! Thank you for being there and accepting me unconditionally.

And to Bonnie: Thank you, my dear sister! Your honesty and vulnerability have always encouraged me to be vulnerable and truthful and to come to Jesus just as I am. I need not to pretend to be anybody. Because He loves me. Exactly just as me.

 

I can’t believe it’s October! Time flies really fast! I’ve been away for a really, really long time. I really miss you guys and writing on the blog. 
I should update and we guys need to do a lot of catching up, right?

I'm really so sorry for not putting much time to blog. So many beautiful things have happened, so many beautiful lessons I’ve learned which I’ve failed to share with you. I hope we can still go through all them all together—the stories, the miracles, the blessings, and even the victories when times were challenging. And I hope to hear from you guys as well. I haven’t heard from many of you, my bloggy friends! How have you been doing? ^^

Anyway, today… I’ve been at home for over a month now. Got a fracture on my right foot after I slipped on slippery floor. And I’ll be wearing my cast until the 3rd week of November! I’ve worn it for 5 weeks already. The next seven weeks will be quick and better than ever!

I have so much stories to tell you about, but let’s begin with my birthday last month, 3 days before I figured the accident.

 

“Because God prepares

beautiful things

to comfort and  bring us joy

 long before we realize

that we need them.”

 

September 2, 2012