It’s December 26 here in MNL! I can’t believe Christmas is over! We just got home from visiting relatives and am so tired. The girls (my sisters) are asleep and Dad too…but Mom is busy preparing what to wear tomorrow. They’ll be leaving for Batangas in a few hours together with my aunt, uncle and sis.

Christmas this year has been busy and fun! Since my sisters and Dad had colds, Mom and I had to do all the cooking for Christmas eve dinner. There’s a service in church on Sunday morning and we went to visit relatives after. The day was filled with laughter and fun. My cousins and I had a great time joking around and talking about a lot of things. I was the noisiest. I think I’m the happiest “cousin” today. LOL :)

 

But amidst all the hype, all the carols and all the laughter…deep in my heart I’m searching for more. I know Christmas means so much more.

For the weeks that has passed, I desired in my heart for the Christmas eve dinner to be offered to Him. My heart broke at the thought that people—including me, of course--forget why they’re partying and cooking, and eating after all.:)

I wanted to cook for Him and prepare like how we prepare for family members who celebrate their birthdays. I wanted this year’s Christmas celebration to be different from all other celebrations we’ve had. I wanted to make “handa”  for Jesus and not for us.

 

So yesterday, when the salads were done and  I was making the last item on the menu, I was praying and I said “Lord, it’s already You’re birthday!” I was excited because it’s the first time I wanted to intentionally make food for Him. And since I never asked Jesus what He wanted for His birthday, I began to ask.

 

And then I realized the food I was making wasn’t what He desires. He wanted more than the celebration. He longed for more than my preparation and the party hat.

 

Because…

He wanted me. What He wanted was me.

 

I stopped right there to let the thought sink in and tried my best to hold back the tears. For while I was busy preparing, while I thought of bringing the most thoughtful offering… deep in His heart, Jesus just wanted to spend time with me. No other Christmas gift from me would matter to Him-- if my heart is busy,if I am far away.

 

And so today, I am humbled and my heart rejoices as I quiet my heart and pray. This is what my heart is longing for after all. I want to spend time with Him, too--on His birthday.

”Happy Birthday, Lord. Merry Christmas!”

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