Saturday mornings look different now. Sunday mornings too.

Two months ago, before I got married, Saturdays meant sleeping in and Sundays were "me", family and ministry time. Everything was so easy. I wake up late. Breakfast is ready (Mom and my sister are the best cooks) and I go to church. :D I used to be the last one in the family to get ready and my Mom would wake me up several times to find me sleeping again, 30 minutes before church starts. But things have definitely changed! So many things can happen in a couple of months, right?

These days, Saturday mornings are all about washing piles of dishes, cooking meals and cleaning the bathroom. Sundays mean ironing my husband's pastor clothes (I had no idea it was sooooo hard!) and designing his powerpoint--things that need hard work but which I really like doing for him.

This morning was one of those crazy, challenging days. I woke up a bit late and the husband had breakfast ready. The sleepy, dizzy me thought that I just have enough time to do his Sunday outfit. I got everything ready --a steam iron, our little ironing board, and another travel steamer (whichever works!) only to find more than an hour later that none of those things work. And I cried in frustration because after several ironing sessions with my expert, pastor's wife Mom, I still don't know how to iron a man's long sleeved shirt.

But these days when I feel like a failure are also the days I also feel most loved.

Many people say that a husband's shirt is a reflection of his wife. People use it as a gauge of how good or not a wife is.  I never realized people can be so harsh. :))

But this morning, I found out that a husband's shirt is a reflection of his heart. Wrinkled shirts do not make bad of a wife who's failing but trying hard, but makes good of a husband who loves her wife and appreciates the littlest efforts she makes though she stumbles and makes mistakes.

And I'm grateful because God gave me a husband who sees the well-ironed parts instead of the wrinkles on his shirt, who let's me try, make mistakes and learn from them, who tells me it doesn't have to be perfect and wears to church the far-from-perfect ironed shirt.

If this is what love looks like then my eyes are glued.

Thank You, Jesus.
Thank You for my husband.
And thank You for how crazy beautiful and colorful my new Saturday and Sundays now look like.


Photography © Viola Canaceli (South Korea, 2017)

I just came back from a long break. Last week was challenging and frustrating. I had a serious throat infection and I had to stay in the hospital for several days.

There are times when you're okay and you wake up one morning and things feel like they're spiraling down. I never expected a hospital stay less than two months into my newlywed life, but maybe then again, God is teaching me things, showing me who He is in this season of my life.

No matter the circumstance, He is God and He takes good care of His children.

I'm feeling better now and on my way to recovery. My heart is recovering as well. :) And I find comfort in holding on to the truth that the Lord is my shepherd. It's the last thing I'd ever want to forget.

I thought today is just an ordinary work day. I grabbed myself coffee from McDonald’s and took the shuttle like how I usually do everyday. I sat on the middle part of the van, the long seat behind the driver and what I didn’t know was that in a few minutes, I would be in for one crazy ride.

If you take the shuttle, you’d know for sure that sometimes it gets so tight “masikip” in there. Today’s ride was exactly like that. But what makes it so different was the only guy who was sitting next to me. He refused to give way and instead kept on pushing his shoulder over mine so that he would keep sitting comfortably, leaning on the back of his seat.  I tried to straighten my shoulders to find a comfortable position, and so that the girl seating beside me wouldn’t get squeezed into the door. But he wouldn’t budge. He kept on pushing. He was so heavy and I couldn’t breathe! I tried to resist but until I got off, I could only shake my head in disbelief. Because every time I resisted, he kept on pushing stronger, forgetting completely that I am girl. And that he is a gentleman.

I know I could've  just moved forward and let him sit there comfortably while I hold on to the edge of my seat. I did that on my first shuttle ride this morning, just before this one—because we were all girls and I was sitting next to an old lady. But this time, I was next to a big guy. And I am a lady. And deep in my heart, I know it was just not right. It’s just not right.

Where is Chivalry?

Sometimes, it breaks my heart to think that we’re losing the “gentleman” in our men. Sometimes I wish we could ask, but then we cannot demand our guys to become gentlemen. We can only inspire and teach. But to have a real gentleman spirit requires a change of heart~for gentlemanliness requires service and sacrifice. To give the elderly lady a seat. To notice that a girl needs to help in opening the door. To offer a hand to someone, to give way, to serve. To become a gentleman means you would need to put others’ comfort above your own, to put selfish ways aside for the benefit of another. And I guess that’s what manhood is all about. Sacrifice, service and love defines a real man.

“Among God’s people we understand that a man is to protect a women; to protect a women’s honor; to protect a woman’s heart; to protect a woman’s reputation; sometimes even to protect a woman’s health, her safety. Guys, that’s our job, God gave it to us. Woe unto the man who fails in that responsibility.”                    ~Dr. Albert Mohler

At times like the incident this morning, or like this afternoon on the train when the guy in front of me pretended to fall asleep because he doesn't want to offer his seat, I wonder if chivalry is already dead..or if not, where are the gentlemen? But I praise God because when I thought that chivalry does not exist anymore, He reminds me that I am wrong.

So wrong.

When A Knight Comes Riding on a Horse

I remember one night I was riding the train alone. A UST varsity player got up and offered me a seat, much to the surprise and wide-eyes of his friends. And then there was this kind construction worker who looked so tired but gave up his seat so the ladies in the train could take his place. And the yuppie on the shuttle who moved and sat on the edge of his seat so the girl next to him could sit comfortably. I also remember my officemates who are kind enough to open doors, carry heavy things and fall in line to buy our tickets and make sure we get home safe.

It’s so beautiful to find that there still exists what we hope for: Men who are kind and helpful. Men who chooses to serve. Men who stands to fulfill their role as a true gentleman. It's so heartwarming to find that there are still men who cares about a woman’s comfort and values her heart.  Men who have the character and heart of Jesus.


And so I guess today, I would pray that our culture would encourage this gentleman attitude in our men and teach them to our young boys. I pray that girls would not forget to be grateful and supportive of those who still chooses to offer these little sacrifices and help. I hope that one day, our nation would be changed as men takes on the challenge and the responsibility of a godly man--willing to love and sacrifice even if it would sometimes mean denying themselves and being inconvenienced to serve others.  I pray that we would all perform our part as men and women of God in this generation.

Let me end with this beautiful words from Cole Ryan. I hope every man would read this and find in their hearts to desire to become real gentlemen.

It’s not easy to forgive. Every girl who has been hurt knows that.

 

I remember a time I got hurt by a friend I had trusted so much. I didn't know it would hurt that bad when a friend leaves just like that, with no explanation at all. I wondered how a friend could just stop being your friend after everything. It was unbelievable--like a movie, only that it was happening in real life. And it's much more painful than I've ever imagined. I felt betrayed like arrows were speared at my heart when I was not looking, right at my most vulnerable moment. I felt bad why I've ever opened and given my heart to people. I wanted to forgive but it’s just hard!

 

I've tried everything. Remembered the good things. Recalled the fond memories. I imagined what would it be like when I meet the person again someday. Would I be able to smile and say “Hello! It’s so nice to see you”? I knew to forgive was the right thing to do. So I practiced—to smile, wave my hand and greet with my usual happy tone. But it was just hard! Because deep in my heart I was really hurt and I couldn’t pretend I'm okay. And I found myself rehearsing lines from a famous movie instead.

 

“Who are you? I'm sorry if I can't remember you...”

 

As crazy as it seems, I was so angry, unforgiving and hurt that I wanted to pretend I have amnesia the next time I meet the person who offended me. I just didn't know when and how I could forgive.

 

But God, He's so different, so forgiving! No matter how many times we've hurt Him in the past, He doesn't rehearse movie lines pretending He has forgotten us. Instead He forgives us. He pardons our sin and hurls our iniquities to the depths of the sea. He does not stay angry forever but shows us His compassion and unfailing love.

And when I look at His love for me and how much He has forgiven me, something in my heart begins to change. Suddenly, I want to be like Him and my grudges seem so small and childish. I ask myself how can I not forgive after God has forgiven everything inexcusable in me. Suddenly, I don`t want to be amnesia girl anymore.

 

When we allow God`s love and forgiveness to wipe away our sins and overflow in our hearts, everything begins to change. His love wipes the bitterness away. And when we see ourselves as God`s forgiven children, we begin to understand what it means when He asks us to extend the same grace and love He has showered us extravagantly with. We`ve been forgiven and He wants us to extend the blessing. And when we do, the bitterness melts away and what remains is love, freedom, peace and the strength to forgive another day.

 

Who is a God like you,

who pardons sin and forgives the transgression

of the remnant of his inheritance?

 

You do not stay angry forever

but delight to show mercy.

You will again have compassion on us;

you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities

into the depths of the sea.

 ~Micah 7:18-19

 

Photo Source:

1, 2 & 3

I feel so tired today. I just got home from work and I can’t even force myself to do the things I need to do. Yes, I don’t even have the strength to walk to my room or to go to the bath. ^^

Tomorrow…is another day. Another work day. But even though I’m almost dead tired tonight, tomorrow is filled with hope~beautiful hope.

Sometimes I wonder and just can’t help but be amazed where all the strength comes from to travel for more than four hours a day, to and from work. Almost everyday, I come home really, really tired but it’s amazing how I’m able to wake up early every single morning. It’s amazing how God gives the strength and energy I need to enjoy the purpose and dreams He has prepared and set for my life.

On my own, I’m tired and really out of strength.

But in Him…everyday…

there is strength.

And it never runs out.^^

Isaiah 40:28-31

It's Tuesday and I'm already in the office. Glad that I arrived 15 minutes earlier than call time. Travel has been stressful for me the past few days. It's back-to-school season in the Philippines and so traffic is heavier and I need to wake up 30 minutes earlier than usual.

I haven't told you yet that I'm working for a Christian broadcasting network in the Philippines now. Work is just awesome and I love it here! The people are friendly~like family. And I just love the opportunity to serve and love the Lord doing what I'm doing! :)

One thing I appreciate most working in CBN is that we do devotions every morning before work. On Mondays there's chapel time and it just refreshes my heart. I look forward to these times the most. And it's just amazing how productive I become when I start the day right, spending time with the One I love the most, the One I serve and work for. When you make Him the delight and the center of your day, when you put Him first and make meeting with Him your top priority, it's just amazing (and no wonder) that everything feels so beautiful. Everything is beautiful because He is beautiful.

How are you spending your morning today? ^^




Falling more and more in love with Him ♥ ,
Cathy

Don’t let the excitement of youth cause you

to forget your Creator. Honor him in your youth

before you grow old and say,

“Life is not pleasant anymore.”

~Ecclesiastes 12:1

 

I look back in the past five years of my life and I don't regret every single day I've served the Lord in exchange for my dreams. :) People may laugh at me and call me crazy because I don't live the same way the world does. But I'd give my life away again and again~if only for Him who loves me and takes care of me.

 

I may have not achieved so much in the world, but I have been closer to His heart. I have lived His purpose for life. No medal, certificate, diploma, fancy clothes or car could match that.

 

I have given little, lost some, but gained so much more.

I have served Him and so I have lived my life.  <3

 

Photo Source

I was reading Bonnie’s blog today and I realized many things. The truth  is, all these months I’ve been away, all these months the blog has been empty and quiet, I was thinking of you, my friends~and it felt so painful in the heart every time I think that I am not able to write and come back for a long time.

Not because I don’t have time, because I do.
But because I was afraid to.

I was really afraid to.

There were many times I tried. Sitting in my computer for hours. Starting drafts and never being able to finish. Because I knew I had to tell you the truth before I can ever write again. I’ve always kept this in my heart. The brokeness and all the pain I went through last year, afraid that it we be so raw and I’d be so vulnerable because the pain was so deep. The wounds in my heart were so deep that I had to go into hiding, even from the blog where I can fully share my heart and deepest thoughts.

Betrayed and Forgotten

There were many times I cried and stayed up all night. Many times I felt I shouldn’t have loved and gave my heart to people. For a while, I was asking myself “Why?” Why did I ever loved, cared, invested, dreamed, hoped for… I was so heartbroken and hurt; so betrayed and let down. And I wanted to, but didn’t know how to make my heart vulnerable again.

I was so afraid to tell the truth and let people see my brokeness.

Everyday I felt imprisoned with fear whenever I think about writing and how I’m running away. I didn’t realize that as I run from the blog, I am also running from myself~from being truthful with my hurt and accepting that I’ve been wounded, betrayed and let down.

Let Me See 

I’ve always carried myself so strong. Like no matter how troubled the times were, I tried to be cool and tell myself that it doesn’t get to me. I’ve always tried to encourage myself. Cheer up my spirit. But these time, it just wouldn’t work. I have to come out as fearful and broken as I am…into God’s heart, and let Him see. Let Him heal. Let Him love me.

And after being honest with Him, I knew I also have to be honest with you, sharing my story…

Not An Easy Road

It had not been an easy road. I’ve never felt so betrayed in my lifetime. I’ve experienced so many things years before but that season was the most heart-wrenching.


But I have to tell you. I really have to tell you that this time had also been the most joyful, fruitful and exciting season of all. Not because I’m cheering myself up. I’m not just trying to see the good things. But it was really that: the most joyful, fruitful and exciting season of all. Because God gave beautiful things after the heavy storm. Undeserved. Unexpected. Twice than I’ve imagined. No, I didn’t  even imagined it! He just blessed! So much that I’ve ever expected!

And so I’m writing to you today, after much tears…telling a testimony of His grace. That because of Jesus I am able to forgive and let go and take my turn in giving chances and forgiveness. And to live my life better than ever because He taught me to forgive and because He is restoring things, not as they were before, but into an even more beautiful masterpiece. And it feels really, really good in the heart!

And it felt as good as ever to be like this, real and honest with you. You guys had been so kind and gracious to me, encouraging me with your messages here and even on Facebook and Twitter while I’d been away. I was touched and felt so loved! Thank you so much! Thank you for being there and accepting me unconditionally.

And to Bonnie: Thank you, my dear sister! Your honesty and vulnerability have always encouraged me to be vulnerable and truthful and to come to Jesus just as I am. I need not to pretend to be anybody. Because He loves me. Exactly just as me.

 

I can’t believe it’s October! Time flies really fast! I’ve been away for a really, really long time. I really miss you guys and writing on the blog. 
I should update and we guys need to do a lot of catching up, right?

I'm really so sorry for not putting much time to blog. So many beautiful things have happened, so many beautiful lessons I’ve learned which I’ve failed to share with you. I hope we can still go through all them all together—the stories, the miracles, the blessings, and even the victories when times were challenging. And I hope to hear from you guys as well. I haven’t heard from many of you, my bloggy friends! How have you been doing? ^^

Anyway, today… I’ve been at home for over a month now. Got a fracture on my right foot after I slipped on slippery floor. And I’ll be wearing my cast until the 3rd week of November! I’ve worn it for 5 weeks already. The next seven weeks will be quick and better than ever!

I have so much stories to tell you about, but let’s begin with my birthday last month, 3 days before I figured the accident.

 

“Because God prepares

beautiful things

to comfort and  bring us joy

 long before we realize

that we need them.”

 

September 2, 2012

The last time a wrote a lengthy post ( I know it’s been a while! ), we talked about our house being open for missionaries and guests from abroad. And it’s been so fun the whole year! Pastors and their families coming over is something my family is always looking forward to. Being a  Pastor's kid gives you this kind of privilege to cherish. ;)



But of course, good things also come with a special kind of challenge. And I believe these challenges are specially custom-made for each of us. I, particularly, know that God wants me to change something in my attitude. I know he wants to kill every hint of *princess complex* in me.


Like today, the guest  that we’re housing in my room for two months now needs to extend for another 6 months (people usually stay for a week at most). I would be lying if I would tell you "Ah, that's nothing". Because secretly, I wanted to cry (Crybaby over such little thing, eh? LOL) For two months, all of my things are in the hallway, and sometimes I sleep in the sofa. And it gets really hard at times. Sacrifice is really hard. 

But sacrifice is not sacrifice if it wouldn’t require you to give a part that would hurt you if you do. And I guess this is something Jesus wants me to learn. I’ve never been good in this. I sacrifice for ministry or work, sometimes extravagantly, but there are I things I save for myself, things I have put boundaries around and call my own. And I’m having a hard time giving them up~like that room. And to love, I know I must learn not to have a "hold" on these things and be willing to give them up if necessary.



In heaven I know the Lord prepares good rooms. I may lose my room here in on earth but I know in heaven I will have a good place to stay in. So I choose to look at things eternal. ^^


Sometimes I feel ashamed that I also feel this “hurt” when it’s only just a room. Some people even give their own lives. But we all learn in a different pace do we? ;) 

Before, Jesus taught me to give apples from my tree. Now, He’s teaching me to give my branches. And sometimes even though that hurts, I know that when the test is done, I will come out with a better attitude and polished heart.

And I’ll finally learn what sacrifice is all about.

How many giving trees have there been in my life? How many released part of themselves so I might grow, so I might accomplish my goals, find wholeness and satisfaction and reach beyond the tiny, limited playground of my childhood? So, so many…

Now I, like the tree, have grown up. Now it`s my turn to give and some of that hurts. Apples, branches, sometimes the trunk.

– Growing Strong In The Seasons of Life

Anyway, when Jesus was born, he didn't have a room, did he? :D

Good morning!

I woke up very early today because the whole family is leaving,
except me. :) My sisters and my parents, they’re all busy on Saturday morning. But I’m alone with nothing to do, and since the other things I need do (meeting, church, etc.) are all scheduled in the afternoon, the house is mine for the rest of the morning. hahaha


At first I felt a little sad about me being “home alone” on Saturday morning. I don’t like an empty house. ^^ I’m used hearing laughter over breakfast, spending time with the family. But I’m finding the quietness fun now. I’ve actually got “me time” which is not easy for me to have during busy weeks. I can spend my morning talking with the Lord in prayer mountain-like silence and in the comfort of my own home. It’s refreshing! And now I’m looking forward to this, even if I have to wake up early to bolt the door. LOL

Anyway, how are you? How are you spending this weekend? Hope you all have an awesome time!  And don’t forget to spend time with Jesus!

FOR TODAY

Outside my window

It’s drizzling and the dawn’s pretty and quiet. Everything is still and not a single leaf is moving. It’d be cool to walk on the streets—it would look like you’re in a Korean drama (of course, minus the Kwon Sang Woo. lol) I’m also starting to get used to the new view. And yes, I’m looking outside the window of our new house. We’ve moved!

 

I am thinking

about dreams. I realized I have to quit chasing after the smaller dreams I have in my heart in exchange for that one big dream that I know God is calling me to do. In fact, I realized I tried to be  content with these “smaller” dreams because I was afraid of the big dream.

 

But we really have to be courageous and take that leap of faith or we’re missing out on what God wants to accomplish through our lives—not that we have to be courageous in ourselves, but to find our courage in our Big God, the One who planted those dreams in our hearts. Right?

I am thankful

for every blessing that I have in my life right now. God is so, so good and this verse is coming to life in my life right now—after the long desert season.

 

Forget what happened long ago! Don't think about the past. I am creating something new. There it is! Do you see it? I have put roads in deserts, streams in thirsty lands.

Isaiah 43:18-19

In the kitchen

Oh, I don’t know what we’ve got in the kitchen! Since we’ve started to move, I’ve never eaten a home-cooked meal. We’ve been  ordering stir-fried noodles from the local noodle shop or making salted duck eggs with tomatoes—which are both YUMMY!

 

I am wearing

Pyjamas. In pastel polka dots. lol

 

I am creating

I just printed out my mini card (calling card) last night! But I think it’s funny and I don’t have the guts to hand it out to friends or to new ones I’ll be meeting.  It’s got a big picture of my face on the front page! lol

 

I am going

to go fix myself a glass of milk. Hungry.

 

I am wondering

why the neighbors’ dogs love to bark at 2am. Yes, almost all of our neighbors own a dog and they bark in chorus every morning. Really funny.

I am reading

Bruce Wilkinsons’ The Dream Giver.

 

I am looking forward to

to meet with girlfriends on Monday! Yey! We’re having a little breakfast party.

 

 

I am hearing

Rain water falling  from the roof. The rain had just stopped though and it’s really a beautiful morning.

Around the house

Everything is still in boxes and bags. Still got a lot of unpacking to do.

 

One of my favorite things

is my pocket journal (which is full now! Only one page remaining!) and my little prayer box where I keep prayers requests. And creamy drinks! I’m lovin’ chocolate milk like a kid again!

 

A few plans for the rest of the week:

 

Grocery shopping and find a good breakfast menu for the girls and,

just to keep everything in order around the house.

Happy Saturday! Have a great weekend ahead!

 

Photo Source:

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

This afternoon, I heard a familiar song playing on the radio. I was excited because it has been over a year since I heard that playing in the local Christian radio station. It was one of my favorite songs during my early college days and it really brought back pretty memories, not only because the song was good, but because the singer who sang it really inspired me as young lady.

I was  on the bathroom when my sister Ava called me saying “Ate, Kuya Matt is on the radio!”. And I was much excited to listen as much as she did. Hearing Matt sing again was really a pretty thing (and a nice surprise for my boring day today. lol). I smile because hearing him hitting those notes makes me think he is still alive today.

*Ate means older sister and Kuya is older brother in Filipino.

 

But he is still alive today! He is alive and well today!



I looked up to Matt because of his big dreams and for his courage to pursue them. And I really wondered why God took him at 26, of lung cancer. If he was able to fulfill his dreams, more people would be inspired.

But I realized God did more for him that just fulfill his dreams. If Matt is singing now in His presence, wouldn’t that be the greatest honor for singer?  And I, who looked up to Matt, who’s listening to his song today, who knows his story… I am inspired too, not just to fulfill my earthly dreams, but to look forward to what’s ahead and to trust that whatever God allows to come into my life is His good and perfect and will.
God gives us better things than what we can think of.



So when your dreams don’t happen the way you planned it…

When you wonder why God wants to bring you to another place you really didn’t planned to go…

When you look at the broken pieces and you don’t know how to put them all together again…

When you can’t find a reason to sing…

Just remember that in Him… for those who love Him… He makes all things work together for good. He has greater plans and wants to bring you to greater places…all because He loves you. You are His child and He wants the best for you.

And nothing can stop you from singing—because God gives you every reason to sing.

Good day!

I got my laptop last night and it’s working—even better than before! Yey! So excited to be back writing after a long month.

I actually haven’t slept yet and I’m just about to sleep. Still got a long day ahead because of design projects I need to rush. (Designs have been delayed for a couple of weeks since the computer crashed), but I’m so excited and happy. Better late than never, eh?

Anyway, I want to share what I was reading on Incourage earlier this morning. I came across Heather’s post which made me laugh and brightened up my day. Didn’t we all make funny blunders when we were younger? *wink*

I never got to call my prof “Hey, good-looking” by mistake, but I made a lot of hilarious, even crazier blunders back in high school (and I wish my high school bestfriends don’t get to read this and list them all down). But I do remember most of them (the crazy things I did) once in a while, and I just want to get swallowed by the ground everytime.

 

 

But the thing is, like what Heather was saying, is that we have grown and we’ve become mature today. I look back on who I was when I was 13 and 16 and 18 and I want to shrink and bury my head in my pillow. But these things—they’re all proof of God’s mercy and faithfulness—and His power to change. We’re a different person many years ago—and now, we’re becoming more and more like Him. That’s worth rejoicing and celebrating today.

And we, who with unveiled faces

all reflect the Lord's glory,

are being transformed into his likeness

with ever-increasing glory,

which comes from the Lord,

who is the Spirit.

2 Corinthians 3:18

Have you also made funny mistakes back then? lol

 

Have a great day ahead!

P.S. You can now get updates of the blog right on your Facebook news feed! It’s really simple and easy. Just go to Periwinkle Confessions’ Facebook page and click like. It has actually been working since the FB like page on the sidebar got updated but didn’t get the chance to tell you right away. Anyway, I hope to see you guys on Facebook too! ;)

 

Much love!

Cathy

Photo credits:

Photo 1, 2, 3